Monday, May 23, 2011

A glimpse of something "more"

Sunday night 15 May 2011

Some may think I am a little crazy and maybe that is so… but in documenting what is going on in my life I am hoping that some kind of inspirition is stirred. J

After my show on Sunday (Uj-fm) I was driving home and felt an urge to do something different.

Where? What? Who? How?

Edenvale Hospital :)

As I get to the hospital I feel like an idiot… like I should turn around and going home. I’m a white single girl by myself at this seemingly non-safe hospital at night… but whatever. Park my car. As I walk up towards the hospital I catch glimpses of the shadows of those lurking in the dark corners outside and I can hear their voices as they stare at me with what I would presume is complete bewilderment. (intombazana emhlophe)

It’s always a little awkward as people genuinely stare as you walk into any ward. I felt a little stupid. But after entering the general ward and talking to the nurse (asking if I can pray for people) – I realized I only had 20 minutes (visiting hours are from 7 – 8pm). So I walked up to the first woman I saw and thankfully she could speak some English so after chatting to her a bit, finding out that she has Meningitis - I prayed for her healing. I really was trusting that she would feel something different but I know that even without that happening – God was working.

I desire the complete insane. 
The miracles that make no sense. 
The supernatural. 

After that I walked around the ward – approached another lady but she couldn’t understand me as she didn’t speak English. So I decided to go to another ward… 
but as I was leaving the lady I had prayed for at first called me back and asked me to come pray for her friend in the bed next to her.
This lady didn’t say anything – just sat there with her head in her hands. Couldn’t tell if she was laughing or crying but I prayed nonetheless. 
I felt God’s presence… like he was there walking with me and smiling.      

This is his hangout.

All I want is to be where he would be.

It was like HIS heart of compassion was growing within my own.

The horrible smells, the diseases and putrid sicknesses which infest those lying in the beds are not as important as the  hearts of those lying there.

Christ came for all.

I checked out the spinal ward just before I left and found a woman all by herself in this one room. 
She could not speak English but she was able to tell me she is Zulu and her face of anguish spoke more than any sentence ever could. 

I tried to tell her I wanted to pray for her and she just looked at me with a confused expression. 
Eventually I think she understood when I said “God” as she immediately sat up, folding her hands and looked down whilst closing her eyes. I held her hands and just started praying.

It was like God flooded that room in that moment. 

His presence.

A Zulu lady wrecked with pain. 
A white girl from Dunvegan. 
Not able to communicate. 
Sharing almost nothing in common. 
Christ's compassion.

Can I tell you that as I prayed for her I knew (once again) that God was working. 
Her face gradually grew peaceful and she held so tightly to my hand that I knew, without a shadow of a doubt,
 - God was revealing himself to her

She wouldn’t open her eyes or stop gripping my hand – even when I said ‘amen’ and kept quiet. 
She sat there… with this peace-filled expression of ‘everything is going to be ok’… and in that moment I was reminded of how I don’t want anything else but to be used my God in power.

I asked the nurse about her and she said that this lady had no family here and had been in the hospital for 6 weeks. 
She had no one here. Complete and utter loneliness. 
Lying in pain day-after-day without a soul to speak to… 
It’s in that moment that my mind attempts to escape dwelling on this woman’s situation because if I allow my heart to feel what she must be going through – it just seems too much…

As I walked out that hospital I felt as though my heart may just explode. 
I walked as fast as I could to my car and hunched over my steering wheel for at least ten minutes sobbing. 
I cried like I have not cried in a very long time.
And I could not stop. 
I started my car and sobbed all the way home whilst blurting out how sorry I am for being so selfish and ridiculously consumed with my own little issues.

I felt his compassion that night.

I felt his heart.

And it ALWAYS changes me.

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